"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." ~Friedrich Nietzsche.
I never used to understand that saying. I mean how can we become stronger from something that almost killed us? Maybe that was because I had not truly experienced the type of struggles in life, that makes one question if they can actually continue on. Recently I experienced that sort of inner conflict, where my whole world felt like it was all collapsing on me. I always wondered "Why is all this happening to me?" I questioned myself and God. I thought God didn't give you more than you could handle and here it seemed he was just piling it on one brick at a time. Pretty soon I would collapse under the pressure. It seemed like it anyway. Then I started to read "Chicken Soup for the Soul." The stories were not only inspiring but also helped me to put things into perspective. I needed to really love and have confidence in myself. All of these things that were happening where challenging, but it was my reaction to them that made them 10 times worse. I had to put that aside for the moment. I hadn't been as strong as I normally was. I was hit with a realization that if I wanted a career in that field I would have to take college more seriously. I made me pull my socks up. Through it all though what I learned most was to look within myself and to genuinely trust in me. There are struggles everyday, everyone goes through them, if you are strong within yourself you can handle anything. Then it has passed you can look back and say I survived that, and learned a lesson as well.
I've learned that you have to forgive. That is one of the most important traits to have. Because when you hold on to things, such as anger, resentment, or hurt it's like you are being weighed down by these negative feelings. When you let these things go and forgive someone it's like letting the shackles loose. In the past I was the queen of holding grudges. I don't know exactly why I did it. Maybe it was my way of getting back at the person that I felt wronged me. I remember people telling me when you forgive, you feel free. I thought that it didn't make sense. "How could forgiving be good for me?" I just didn't get it. Then one day it just clicked. I loved and lost and, still wanted to be friends I had resentment and sometimes it pops up now and then. But I decided to forgive, and it was this amazing feeling of lightness. Like 40 lbs of weight was lifted off my shoulders. This was strange. I forgave and then felt better. There must have been something to all those sayings from years back. I felt so good. When you hold a grudge for someone, that person is constantly on your mind and you are spending a massive amount of energy thinking about them when they probably aren't even thinking about you. Don't get me wrong it's a process, especially for a self proclaimed grudge holder but as I said when you let things go YOU feel free. That's what I want to be I don't want anyone to be holding me back from being the best me that I can be....
